文章-LSA | Teacher’s Magic Tricks: Help kids to make friends

在老师魔术系列中，我们分享了父母在帮助孩子成长时应该做（有时不做）的事情的重要提示！本周的主题是 “如何帮助孩子交朋友”！让我们看看我们经验丰富的老师给爸爸妈妈们带来了哪些神奇的技巧……

In our Teacher’s Magic Tricks series we share 5 top tips for things parents should do (and sometimes NOT do) when helping our kids grow! This week’s topic is ‘how to help kids make friends’! Let’s see what magic tricks our experienced teachers have for moms and dads…

研究人员知道，父母的教养方式对孩子与同伴的社交能力有很大影响。那是因为孩子们会像看到你对待他们一样对待他们的同龄人!支持你的孩子社交发展的最好的父母模式是成为积极的父母…但那是什么呢?

在积极的养育方式中，父母会给他们的孩子提供明确合理的期望，并期望他们表现良好，提供激励来鼓励他们。然而，我们都知道，有时小人物(也包括大人物!)会做出糟糕的选择!在积极的养育方式中，我们以一种“善良但坚定”的方式回应坏的选择，让我们的孩子坚定地知道他们做了错误的选择，但是善意的。积极的父母给出合理的结果，但强调如何在下次做得更好，给提示和建议。如果你对有关这种方法的家长研讨会感兴趣，请在文章底部的投票中告诉我们!

Researchers know that parenting styles can have a huge impact on how well kids do socially with their peers. That’s because kids will treat their peers exactly like they see you treat them! The best parenting model to support your kids’ social development is positive parenting… but what is that? 

In positive parenting, parents will provide clear and reasonable expectations for their child, and expect them to behave well, offering incentives to encourage them. However, we all know that sometimes little people (and big people too!) can make poor choices! In positive parenting, we respond to bad choices in a “kind but firm” manner, letting our kids firmly know that they made the wrong choice, but kindly. A positive parent gives a reasonable consequence, but emphasises how to do better next time, giving tips and advice. Let us know at the poll at the bottom of the article if you would be interested in some parent workshops on this approach!

孩子们喜欢和行为稳定的孩子交朋友。所以为了支持我们的孩子交朋友，我们必须鼓励我们的孩子首先管理自己的情绪!其中一种方法是，当我们的孩子心烦意乱的时候，告诉他们情绪管理的过程。例如，如果Sally哭是因为她很沮丧，我们会避免忽视她的情绪(“不要这么戏剧性!”或者“忘了它吧!”)。相反我们会告诉他们，他们现在的感受:

“让你的眼泪出来吧。你需要一个拥抱吗?一旦你冷静下来，我们就可以谈谈;那么我就可以帮助你。好的，冷静下来很好。你知道是什么让你心烦吗?嗯,我明白了。下次你再有这种感觉时，最好……”

Kids like to be friends with other kids whose behaviour is stable. So to support our kids making friends, we have to encourage our little ones to manage their own emotions first! One way to do this is to talk our kids through the process of emotion management when they are upset. For example, if Sally is crying because she is frustrated, we will avoid dismissing her emotions (“Don’t be so dramatic!” Or “get over it!”). Instead, we will talk to them about their feelings: 

“Let out your tears. Do you need a hug? Once you’ve calmed down we can talk; then I can help you. OK, great work calming down. Do you know what made you upset? Hmmm, I see. Next time you feel that way it will be better if you…”

一旦孩子们能够管理自己的情绪，我们就可以开始考虑其他人的情绪。理解别人的感受不是那么容易的，这需要练习!一个真正奇妙的方法是阅读。在书中，我们可以看到很多新朋友，在新的和不寻常的情况下，我们可以通过讨论来练习理解他们的感受和为什么他们会有这种感觉!这就是我们LSA如此爱阅读故事的原因之一。

Once kids can manage their own emotions, we can start to think about other’s emotions. Understanding how other people feel is not so easy, and it takes practice! A really fantastic way to do it is by using books. In books, we see lots of new friends, in new and unusual situations and we can practice understanding how they feel and why they feel that way by discussion! This is one reason we love reading stories so much in LSA! 

谈话技巧可以在课堂上和家里教育!在我们的4-5和5-6年龄的会话技巧课程中，我们教授良好会话的三个基本概念，最重要的一个是这样的:与新朋友，我们可以玩“喜欢和不喜欢网球”!这意味着我们传递信息，告诉你们每个人喜欢什么，不喜欢什么，就像它是一个网球一样。对话会来来回回，来来回回……

Conversation skills can be taught in class and at home! In our conversation skill lessons at 4-5 and 5-6 level we teach three basic ideas for good conversations, and the most important one goes like this: with new friends, we can play “likes and dislikes tennis”! This means we pass information about what you each like and don’t like as though it was a tennis ball. Conversation will flow back and forth, back and forth…

和兄弟姐妹或朋友一起，父母组织活动和玩伴是很好的，这样你就可以监督孩子练习他们建立友谊的技能。当我们组织这种类型的活动时，让孩子们一起做一些事情，而不是让他们竞争，总是更有用的。所以，他们可以一起参加接力赛，而不是在公园里赛跑!下面是一些关于游戏约会合作游戏的想法!

With siblings or friends, it’s great for parents to organise activities and play-dates so that you can supervise kids practicing their friendship-building skills. When we organise these types of events, it’s always more useful to have the kids do something that has them work together rather than have a competition. So, instead of running races at the park, they can do a relay race to work together! See below for some ideas on cooperative games for play-dates!